When jokes and phrases have been around for far too long, and need somewhere that they can finally die, they come here. Never again will you feel the need to be confused about a person or movie being clever or not. Do not feel bad when you instantly judge someone or something for being awful after they have attempted to resurrect a joke that is in…THE GRAVEYARD
When someone discusses the fact that they may or may not have strong feelings towards a particular subject, there will always be a dolt in the background who will have no response. The strong opinions may have caught the dolt off guard, or he may have so little wit that no other phrase pops in to his tiny head. Then, almost like the pathetic, limp-dicked man who somehow feels forced to tell his whore that “this has never happened to him before”, the dolt instinctively replies “Tell me how you really feel!” Then, shockingly enough, this inbred, buck-toothed, bumblefuck will occasionally get spatterings of laughter, as opposed to the beer bottle to the throat he deserved. Be forewarned, Reallyfeels, I will stab you in the fucking throat. – RH
Old People Who Like Sex
Oh shit these are really old people, but they’re saying/doing sexual things! That’s not normal! Hilarious! Oh wait, not it’s not because it’s been done countless times. This is a rampant fallback joke for not funny (and sadly some funny) movies and TV shows. Either it’s the randy Gramma, or the old couple who talks openly about their sex life, it’s played out like my nana’s hoohah (she’s a slut! Hilarious!) The cousin to this rote archetype is the old person who cusses a lot. Listen entertainment industry, old people are just like the rest of us with the cussing and fucking-it’s not funny-MG
This is a tried and true joke…from 1999. If someone is a sour puss, calling them Cranky McWhinyPants is not clever. There was a time when this joke made me laugh my balls off, but I think it can officially be declared dead and done. I still use this joke with my friends, but it’s either used ironically (i.e. “that’s what she said”) or when I’m feeling lazy. For people in the pop culture zeitgeist to be so lazy and hackneyed as to use this joke is not cool. So, to everyone that will listen, please stop using this joke. There is no need to be StupidFuckingDickheads McLazyExcusesForWritersAndComediensPants anymore. – JRN
THE SLAMBANG ROPE-A-DOPE ONE LINER
A longstanding tradition in awful comedy, particularly in American sitcoms, the Slambang Rope-A-Dope One Liner is the terrible writer’s best friend. It is usually delivered across two sentences: the first, a seemingly honest account of the characters opinion, and the second, a usually true version of the character’s opinion, and ALWAYS the opposite sentiment of the first sentence. It may sound complicated, but I assure you nothing has ever been less complicated in the history of the written word.
Example:
INT. SCHMODCAST OFFICE – DAY
New staff writer MIKE, 24, walks in to the Ryan’s office.
MIKE
I was just wondering how everyone is treated here at Schmodcast?
RYAN
Well, Mike. We all treat each other with the respect and dignity that one would expect. We are co-workers, but we are also best friends. Now get your fucking stupid ass out of my office, you shit cunt shingle fucker.
End Example.
See? It’s funny, because the last sentence, where I don’t treat him with respect, completely negates the sentences just before it. The Slambang Rope-A-Dope One Liner belongs in the graveyard, if for no other reason than you can see it coming a mile away. – RH
Babies and Animals Talking
We’ve all wondered what the babies and animals surrounding us must think about this strange, strange world. With the help of movie magic, we’ve been given insight into their adorable psyches for decades. And lo and behold, it’s almost always fully-formed, intelligent observations! Look Whose Talking is the only film that’s pulled this off, and that’s because it did it first. And because Bruce Willis is a comedic genius (or more likely I haven’t seen this since I was seven, and it probably blows too). There have been dozens of movies now where babies and animals can talk. The only one I respect is Rugrats; that cartoon was bomb. If babies or animals could really talk it would sound like retarded gibberish, because they don’t know shit about shit. Oh wait that’s exactly what it does sound like.-MG
And now, for a rant. I’m not sure that “that’s what she said” was ever supposed to be funny. It’s stupid and juvenile, like a fart but with less thinking involved. The problem with TWSS is that on “The Office“, for example, the writers have Michael Scott say this as yet another way to point out his complete lack of understanding of comedy and what is funny. When your co-worker asks you to lift a box because it’s too big for her to handle, there is literally no need to say that’s what she said. Pointing out stupid innuendoes is not funny but rather exceptionally lazy. With all that said, saying TWSS when it makes absolutely no sense or when it’s not sexual does not yet deserve to be in the graveyard. Unfortunately, the graveyard is a harsh mistress and if one component of a joke is declared dead, all parts of the animal die with it. So goodbye, “that’s what she said”; your length and girth is inadequate. – JRN